how to notice the greater opportunity Over the years I've heard variations of the same phrase many times. I used to think these variations had wisdom. But now I'm not so convinced. When someone is at a crossroads they're often quite vulnerable. "This way or that way?" is their question. At this vulnerable junction what people are often looking for is evidence of what is right or wrong to do. It's not a crime to think that what shows up is evidence of the right direction, but I suspect there is a little more to it than that. A friend once gave up a golden opportunity because an obstacle was put in their way that they viewed as evidence not to go forward. The pain of not having done what they wanted still irks them and I suspect they know they could easily have moved the obstacle. When something happens to me and I tell the story to others and someone sagely says, "Ah... maybe that's evidence that you should (or shouldn't) go for it," I have an impulse to say "Please, don't be naive". monkey nuts Rather than have a one-off moment become the judge and jury, I believe there is far more depth to be explored. In life we have desires for specific outcomes all the time. "I want my partner to say or do this or that". "I want the children to do xyz". "I want it to be lunchtime". "I want more clients". "I want to be happy..". I want... I want... So we have desires all the time. When we think "I want to be happy" and something immediately happens that makes us unhappy, our mental hard drive might be wired to select this as further proof we're unhappy, that life is the pits or that maybe we should turn our back on a dream or run a mile. Maybe we should run a mile. There are plenty of life and death situations where a good pair of training shoes and the nearest exit are just perfect. But crossroad situations are not usually like this, and emergency operating procedure really shouldn't apply - and to apply it may be nuts... and nuts are for monkeys! a greater opportunity More important than taking physical evidence as a judgement, it's might be far wiser to view it as a greater opportunity. If you do this you can take stock and choose, rather than react and make an unthought through and unwise choice. Let's say you want to be happy, but don't feel happy in your relationship. You're crossroads is "do I go home or go for a drink?" Then a friend offers to buy you a drink. At first glance you could judge this as evidence to go for a drink. But more important than the circumstances that manifest is what goes on inside. What goes on outside you always brings up feelings. In the drink example these feelings could be: the guilt of not going home to your spouse; the jealously you feel because the person who invited you is single; or the anger at yourself for not taking responsibility for the state of your relationship; or the pessimism you feel about your future. I see the feelings as far, far more important than what is happening and the search for happiness is going to be found by becoming friends with these feelings rather than naively thinking you just had evidence you should leave a relationship. Of course there are times when it is absolutely right to leave a relationship and you will be clear enough when that occurs. But if you walk from one relationship to another without knowing your feelings and managing your actions, you'll probably find yourself following the same cycle of events over and over. a test of what I most wanted Something I'm enjoying right now is happiness and good, graceful energy flowing. But recently that was tested... It was at my 40th birthday party. As maybe you have too, I had those pre-party feelings of who will show? Will they enjoy it? etc Mid evening a friend said they had to go. My immediate feeling was disappointment and I wanted to say, "Please stay." But as I checked my own feeling of disappointment I realised it was born from nothing more than the sadness of not yet circulated fast enough to spend more than this moment with them. It would have been easy to have done one of several things to get them to stay longer. But I paused a moment and armed myself with knowing why I felt a pang of sorrow at their exit. Years ago, feeling vulnerable at a party, I might have tried all number of tactics to get them to stay. But because the experience I want is happiness with graceful energy flowing it was easy to walk my friend to the door and at least enjoy the moment I had with them and wish them well on their journey home. your challenge in the moment When you want to be happy and something happens that makes you unhappy, please don't just judge it as more evidence that life sucks. Please learn to see it as an opportunity to make it better. Notice what you feeling rises for you and think about what tells you about who you are and where you are heading beyond this crossroads. Click this link to find out more www.communitysoullife.co.uk/lifepurpose.htm With love
CommunitySoul
Limited, Company Number 6361649 |
|
