When
the insight hit me last week I happened to
be ordering ice cream for my daughter.
There
we were, in Spain, by the sea front, enjoying
the sun, having fun, buying a chocolate cone
and not really looking for or expecting any
special insights into life. But sometimes
that's the way it happens. And it did happen.
Earlier
in the week I'd been in a similar situation
- speaking broken Spanish to a Spaniard who
was speaking back to me in very broken English
and using body language to get the point across.
That day my daughter had given me a tough
question to ask the Spanish lady. And I guess
that's where the insight really began.
'Ask
if the watch is waterproof?' my eight year
old said.
I
looked at the price. Just 8 Euros. No way
was it waterproof. 'But ask,' she insisted.
That's
when doubt hit me in the gut. I didn't know
how to say 'Is this waterproof' in Spanish?
I could tell the shop assistant didn't do
English well and right about then my confidence
dipped.
I
felt lost. So I looked at my daughter, stern
faced, hoping she'd relent if I could brow
beat her. I told her, no way for 8 Euros was
that watch going to be waterproof.
Did
she relent?
No.
Why
not?
Because,
no great teacher ever let's you off the hook.
'Daaad, just ask.' Big eyes, smile, massive
pressure: 'You're my hero,' she added for
good measure.
That's
when I heard the lady behind me say 'Ah'.
And that's when I realised that I was front
of the queue.
Eloquence
out the window, I jabbed a finger at the watch
and blurted out my question. The shop assistant
looked at me. She made a swimming gesture
and said, 'No.' She said a word I knew. 'Bath,'
I said translating. 'Yes' she said. 'Okay
in bath, but not - ' she made the swimming
gesture again.
My
daughter grinned and opened her purse. I breathed
a sigh of relief. But what has this got to
do with the insight I had while buying chocolate
ice cream?
I
became aware of how my confidence dips when
language becomes a perceived barrier. I became
aware of how I became almost Neanderthal,
trying to manipulate my daughter through tone
and body language and how I jabbed at the
things and forgot my usual social grace.
Little
wonder then when the Japanese come to London,
or the Germans are in town - and even when
I go to Spain - that the foreigners can appear
a bit rude! Maybe they're all feeling a little
like I felt.
In
fact maybe that's how some children feel -
our own, or sometimes kids we meet in the
street. Maybe they don't fully understand
the language, maybe they forget social grace.
At
times it can be body language that can get
us through. You can say pretty much all that's
worth saying with your body, and, but for
a few hand gestures, body language is international.
But that's not all I want to share with you
on my insight.
Beyond
body language, amongst my new awareness of
how I feel when the perceived barrier of language
comes up, there is something I will remember.
Whatever
language we speak, whatever country we're
from, whatever our culture or religion, we
all share one thing - we're human. And more
important than any language, is the language
of humans 'being'.
We're
all learning almost all the time. At times
we all lose confidence, brow-beat others or
muddle through situations. But if we become
aware enough to catch the insights, we can
reshape our understanding and grow in confidence.
Last
night, at the Holistic
Business Group, Bristol newspaper owner,
John Dawson, broke down many barriers, in
being present and speaking from the heart.
He demonstrated how it's okay to feel what
we feel, because often others just feel the
same as us.
A
problem I frequently come across, through
working with people, is that they are often
on auto-pilot, doing the muddling through
part - trying to fight their way through a
barrier that only exists in their mind.
Sometimes
they feel that their clients seem to have
vanished, the finances are in a mess, the
jeans are getting too tight, the kids are
always arguing or the relationships going
down the pan.
What
I do is flip them off auto-pilot and teach
them to fly the plane, using their own navigation
system.
If
you'd like to reinvent the way you feel, feel
better, feel happier and feel more confident
and would like to be coached, drop an email
to coaching@communitysoul.co.uk
. We'll then find the coach we believe is
best suited to working with you.
With
love and good wishes
Neil
